Case Of the Effing Mondays


I hate Mondays. This one started out like… well… let me just show you.

After my tantrum was over, I got ready for work. I don’t have a picture of that. Sorry.

My morning was a typical Monday… 2 extra shots in my coffee, begging for a caffeine IV, you know… the usual.

I get to my office, curse Monday yet again, and then a potential client calls regarding our morning meeting.

Perspective client: Hi Jay. I’m lost. I’m in the _______ building.

Me: Oh, you’re so close! We’re actually right across the street. Just look for the restaurant on the corner and the entrance is just West.

PC: Okay, great. See you soon.

This exchange is normal enough, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought until I get a call 10 minutes later.

PC: Hi Jay, I’m in the lobby.

Me: Oh, great. My office is on the Xth floor. Just take the elevator and-“

PC: That’s the problem. I can’t get in the elevator.



Me: Excuse me?

PC: I’m having a thing. I can’t walking in to the elevator. I’m not afraid of them, it just won’t let me in.

Me: … … … Um… Wait, what?

PC: Can we move the meeting to the lobby so I don’t have to get in the elevator?

Me: (What the fuck? Am I being Punk’d?!) I’ll be down in just a moment.

I go down to find him stretched out in the lobby, happily checking out the woman in a mini skirt walking ahead of me.

Me: Hi, are you C? I’m Jay. Blah, blah, blah…

What ensues from here can only be described as a pep talk of nauseating proportions. I sympathize about panic attacks, attempt to console, and generally pretend what happened is not just about one of the weirdest things to have happened to me at work. After about ten minutes, I get a gigantic smile, a not-so-subtle check out of my legs, and then…

Him: (leaps to his feet, grabs my hand to caress, rather than shake it.) Thank you. Shall we go up to your office?

And with that, he bounds in to the elevator, happy as a clam.

Needless to say, my day is ending like this…

For other weird experiences, see my post on the McDonald’s drive-thru.

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